Conversations with KevieBear

April 4, 2008

Lazy Assistant: Hi KB! Where have you been? I haven’t talked to you in a while.

KevieBear: I’ve been around. Hibernating mostly. It’s been a long winter. Do you know why I’m still wearing my Christmas sweater?

LA: I dunno. Aren’t you hot in that thing?

KB: Yeah, but the rich color brings out the golden tones in my fur.

LA: Oh.

KB: Are we in the middle of a postal strike or something? I’ve been expecting a very important piece of mail and so far it hasn’t arrived. It’s from another country!

LA: You haven’t been bothering him again, have you?

KB: I don’t consider it bothering him. It’s more like, shall we say, reaching out to a kindred spirit.

LA: He might think of it as, shall we say, stalking.

KB: Stalking?? I don’t know what you’re talking about. How could you say something like that?

LA: Because I’m thinking it?

KB: You’re obviously just jealous of me. That happens a lot. When you’re as special and good-looking as I am, especially when I’m wearing one of my many sweaters, people tend to have hostile feelings for you. It’s a curse. Truly, it is.

LA: Oh, Brother. You know, judging by some of the emails I’ve received, there are more than a few people out there who find you to be tiresome. You’ve even been called an embarrassment. Truly, you have.

KB: What… what do you mean? Why do you say these things to me? I thought you were my friend. Why else do you think I live with you?

LA: Because you can’t reach the doorknob to leave?

KB: Ha! You think you’re so smart! Pack my suitcase and call a limo to take me to the airport and you’ll never see me again.

LA: A limo?? That’s a good one. If I could afford a limo, I’d be gone and you’d be stuck here. Where would I go? Italy? Spain? Greece? Dare I say… England?

KB: That was cold. And after everything I’ve done for you. I’d list everything now but I have to go do something else.

LA: What’s that, my KevieBear?

KB: Cry.