Se7en: The Search For John Doe

WARNING!* May contain disturbing descriptions of graphic violence.

Subj: Greetings and Salutations
Date: 11/29/2000 12:08:28 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: (The Search For John Doe)
To: drivingmrspacey

To: Detective David Mills
From: John Doe
Subject: Greetings and Salutations

Dear Detective—David—may I call you David? I don’t mind telling everyone that I admire you. I respect you detectives more every day. I don’t know how you found me, but imagine my surprise! I’ll be readjusting my schedule in light of this little setback. I’m sorry I had to hurt you when you were chasing me on Friday—I hope the crowbar didn’t break the skin or disfigure you. You will accept my apology, won’t you? I feel like saying more, but I don’t want to ruin the surprise. “John Doe” PS: You may spare the tiresome effort of tracing this newsgroup to its source—it has none. My last post bounced through an ISP in St. Petersburg after passing through an anonymizer in Dallas, which represents my standard modus operandi. You can’t stop me from speaking—preaching, some would say.

PPS: Be careful with the things in my home. One day they may be part of a holy shrine.

Subj: Love
Date: 11/30/2000 12:07:26 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: (The Search For John Doe)
To: drivingmrspacey

To: You
From: John Doe
Subject: Love

It’s heartwarming to see the evidence of conjugal bliss, ISN’T IT? Did you know they were high school sweethearts? that he was the CAPTAIN OF THE FOOTBALL TEAM? AYE AYE CAPTAIN. Mrs. Mills seems a fine wife. I only hope Detective Mills is a suitably grateful husband. He’s been working long hours HOT ON MY TRAIL, leaving her home alone. Tracy must be very pretty when she’s asleep.

>TO: Det. David Mills
>FROM: tracy mills (
>SUBJECT: dumplings
>dear dumpling cheeks,>
>i miss you. having a cup of tea and thought i’d
> write since i can never reach you on the phone.
>the house feels so empty still and all the emptier
>because….oh, never mind. you never want to talk
>about anything so why bother? i’ll get the curtains
>up today and try to paint a little. the dogs miss
>you too. they are baying at the ceiling today, as
>though the devil himself were prowling on the roof.
>when will it stop raining?
>come home soon, david. i love you, i miss you,
>i want you, my lover, david. david. david. come home.
>your wife

Subj: It breaks my heart
Date: 12/1/2000 12:09:36 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: (The Search For John Doe)
To: drivingmrspacey

To: You
From: John Doe

Subject: It breaks my heart

A guardian angel looks down at the young lovers from a his craggy peak and smiles.

>SUBJECT: RE: dumplings
>TO: tracy mills
>FROM: Det. David Mills
>Honey Mouth,
>Work is crazy. This nutjob murder case is insane,
>crazy, and driving everyone over the edge.
>Blah blah blah. I TOLD you not to email me at the
>office. You know the punishment is gonna be tickling
>until pink. Just wait till I get home.
>Detective Dumpling Cheeks

Date: 12/2/2000 12:11:04 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: (The Search For John Doe)
To: drivingmrspacey

To: John Doe
From: Det. David Mills

LIsten to me. You are Nothing. You’re not changing anything or making a diffrence to anyone. Your not a hero. You’re a footnote, thirty seconds on a tabloid tv show, a t-shirt, a stupid web site for pimply adolescents to giggle over. OH Ffkk You don’t MEAN anything. Who the hell knows? There’s plenty of freaks out there doing dirty deeds they don’t want to do. You know… little voices tell them bad things.

Allright? so I have some advice for you:

END IT END IT. kill yourself.

After all these years you’re STILL the loser kid in the corner of the playground who no-one wants on their team and thats all you’ll ever be. Right now you’re probably dancing around a hotel room in a pair of your mommy’s panties, singing show tunes and rubbing yourself with peanut butter… no one cares.


If you EVER EVER come near my house again I’ll show you the meaning of vengeance. You haven’t seen pain.

I hope you die soon, you pathetic nut case and if not I’m coming for you.



Subj: Anger
Date: 12/3/2000 12:16:09 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: (The Search For John Doe)
To: drivingmrspacey

To: Det. David Mills
From: John Doe
Subject: Anger

Bravo, Detective. That’s the spirit!

I doubt I enjoy my work, any more than Detective Mills would enjoy some time alone with me, in a room without windows. Isn’t that true?

How happy would it make you to hurt me, with impunity, David? Do you feel guilty when you admit it? Yes, I know.

We are not so different, are we, after all?

In friendship and admiration,


P.S. Funny thing is, I can’t stop.

Subj: Doctor, heal thyself
Date: 12/4/2000 12:08:12 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: (The Search For John Doe)
To: drivingmrspacey
Se7en: The Search For John Doe

From: John Doe
Subject: Doctor, heal thyself

I’m sure the geniuses of “forensic psychology” have kept you busy reading reading reading ALL ABOUT ME, haven’t they. Does it start to make sense?

Very good! You just love psychology, don’t you. Shall I share a dream had last night?

My good looking boyhood friend Ray Acuff and I have become cannibals. As the base of a cliff near town, on the riverbank, our small, neat pile of bones has begun to grow. One day by surprise we are visited by a family of Indians in a canoe. I hope they will not notice the BONES and the SMELL from the fire but without making any visible fuss they end their visit suddenly and I can see from the look in the mother’s eyes that they KNOW. Now I am at the hospital talking to my own father or some face of his. I realize the he knows, too. But he does not seemed shocked or surprised or even particularly interested. He says something blase about “brain PIE” or “thought PIE” being on the cafeteria menu and for a moment I think with shock that he is an Eater too. Then he ignores me. Then I realize that he is not surprised because HE always knew about me. It was what he expected. Woke up tasting FLESH in my mouth and stomach.

Does that help? No? In fact you’re MORE CONFUSED THAN WHEN YOU STARTED?

Actually I made it all up. Fooled you, did I?

My point: I AM NOT INSANE.

Admit it honestly. EVERYONE I’VE KILLED was a GAPING SORE, A HUMAN SYMPTOM of a society so sick that only the most radical and invasive surgery can give it any chance of recovery. Admit it.

I’m trying to save a very sick patient, using a remedy prescribed by the creator of the universe. SO WHY ARE YOU TRYING TRY TO STOP ME?

Perhaps, Doctor, you should begin by healing thyself.

The Patient

Subj: no subject
Date: 12/5/2000 12:07:03 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: (The Search For John Doe)
To: drivingmrspacey

 To: YOU
From: John Doe
Subject: no subject

what sick ridiculous puppets we are and what a gross little stage we dance on. what fun we have. Not a care in the world. Not knowing that we are NOTHING. We are NOT what was INTENDED.

ihave a headache

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ bad one. fifteen aspirisn do nottthinggggVERY BAD VERY FNG BAD VERY FHDSHSJGH FCDKDKDK BAD BD BAD BDA BDA BAD BAD BAD BAD \BADbbbbbbbbbbbbbglkfjsd;fbn ionu j iidiidododnttntnntcarrarareiiiiiwiwianta anwtatant

tot ttododopoodidididieieididiei yybn98byw09,mmmmju lkjfgfghspoiuoiuoiu bncvcxnfg erty o so alone hgm09,[-9 dfghjoisu09-m8gjlyil gfsn[-=0909- fgdhkhjn7968679 tttttttttttttttttttttttttnver


8888888888888888–0—9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 nnennee

Subj: Your Lesson Plan. First Lesson.
Date: 12/8/2000 12:08:16 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: (The Search For John Doe)
To: drivingmrspacey

To: William Somerset
From: John Doe
Subject: Your Lesson Plan. First Lesson.

“Long is the way, and hard, that out of hell leads up to light…”

— John Milton, Paradise Lost.

– – – – – – – – – — – – – – — – –

————————————- /\  |
|                                    /  \ |
|                   VII The Lustful /____\|
|                                  /      |
|    7          VI The Gluttonous /_______|
| TERRACES                       /        |
|    OF        V The Avaricious /         |
| PURGATION       and Prodigal /__________|
|                             /           |
|                            /            |
|                           /             |
|          IV The Slothful /______________|
|                         /               |
|                        /                |
|                       /                 |
|     III The Wrathful /__________________|
|                     /                   |
|     II The Envious /____________________|
|                   /                     |
|      I The Proud /______________________|
|                 /                       |
|                /                        |
|               /        THE ISLAND       |
|              /                          |
|             /         OF PURGATORY      |
|            /                            |

Subj: RE: You speak Italian AND German?
Date: 12/9/2000 12:19:54 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: (The Search For John Doe)
To: drivingmrspacey

To: Detective William Somerset
From: Tracy Mills
Subject: RE: You speak Italian AND German?

dear william,

here are the translations you asked for. i’m sorry; my italian is more than a little rusty, but I hope it helps.

Nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita
Mi ritrovia per une selva oscure,
Che la diritta via era smaritta

would be something like

Halfway down the road of life
I found myself in a shadowed forest
For I had lost the straight path

this is from dante’s inferno, isn’t it? why did you need it?

for the german I had to use a dictionary

Wenn Du dies nicht hast dieses Sterben und Werden,
Bist du nur ein tube Gast auf der dunklen Erden.

When you don’t have this dying and becoming,
You are only a sad guest on the dark Earth.

doing a little light reading? you must come for dinner again soon. our house needs more of your friendly kind of warming.

take good care of my man, will you, please? and thank you for keeping my secret safe for now.

a kiss


Subj: Gluttony
Date: 12/10/2000 12:10:17 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: (The Search For John Doe)
To: drivingmrspacey

From: John Doe
Subject: Gluttony

Gluttony: The habit or act of eating too much. “For the drunkard and the gluttonous shall come to poverty; and drowsiness shall clothe a manwith rags.” Proverbs 23:21

You accuse me of killing innocent people.

Tell me, was this one INNOCENT?

An obese man, a disgusting man who could barely stand up… who if you saw him on the street, you’d point so your friends could mock him along with you. Who if you saw him while you were eating, you wouldn’t be able to finish your meal.

But it was not his literal obesity that had to be punished. It was the utter surrender to the baser appetites which is unforgivable, which must be made example of.

Listen to Detective Somerset’s dry reconstruction.: “He ate his fill, and was forced to continue eating… till his body rejected the food. the killer held a bucket under him, and then kept serving. He took his time. The coroner says this might have gone on for more than twelve hours. The victim’s throat was swollen from the effort, and there was probably a point where he passed out. That’s when killer kicked him in the stomach. Popped him.”

What an amoral description-it conveys none of the meaning. My acts are like texts, to be read and deciphered and interpreted.

In time you’ll learn.

 Subj: Sloth
Date: 12/11/2000 5:19:49 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: (The Search For John Doe)
To: drivingmrspacey

To: You
From: John Doe
Subject: Sloth

Sloth: “Disinclination to work or exert oneself; laziness. Slothfulness casts into a deep sleep; and a proud man shall suffer hunger.” Proverbs 19:15

I spent a full year watching Victor deteriorate. Every Sunday I took a Polaroid photograph of him, marking the deterioration of his condition. He was a drug dealer. He had sexually assaulted an 8 year old boy. Don’t you DARE tell me VICTOR got anything he didn’t RICHLY DESERVE. I I spent hours with him, days and weeks and months. I watched him starve. I watched him drip out. I watched him chew off his tongue.

This experience has changed me, galvanized me. I have learned to look on the suffering of the sinful with exsquisite detachment.

And I learned something: Be careful what you wish for, slothful men. Someone might GIVE IT TO YOU.

   Subj: Files for review: Suspect Residence
Date: 12/12/2000 3:32:26 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: (The Search For John Doe)
To: drivingmrspacey

To: Profiling
From: Detective Somerset
Subject: Files for review: Suspect Residence

I trust you enjoyed those crime scene files. Ready for more?

This is a link to an inventory and photo record of what we found in John Doe’s apartment. My partner insists he’s insane, but I am not convinced of this. If he is insane, it is a fiercely disciplined madness and I admit it frightens me badly. *link no longer works

Over and out,


PS: As you saw recently, Detective Mills has a hot temper. I just hope he hasn’t antagonized John Doe into withdrawing from us–or worse.

Subj: Greed
Date: 12/13/2000 1:54:14 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: (The Search For John Doe)
To: drivingmrspacey

To: You
From: John Doe
Subject: Greed

Greed: Excessive desire, especially for wealth; avarice.

“Yea, they are greedy dogs that can never have enough, they are so wicked that they cannot understand; they have all turned aside to their own way, every one for his own gain and his own advantage.” Isaiah 56:11

After the fat one, I picked the lawyer. And, you all must have been secretly thanking me for that one. This was a man who dedicated his life to making money by lying with every breath he could muster… to keeping rapists and murderers on the streets.

His greed is the greed of the politican, living for power, corrupted and defiled by each step deeped into the excrement of lies and flattery which is his world.

This is the greed of the businessman who dreams of total power, who counts his gold in the church and makes a church of his counting room.

It is the greed of sickening debased scum like the so-called “serial killer” who wrote to me yesterday to boast of his pleasure in his crimes.

I enjoy my work, but there is no sin in that. I am not acting for my own pleasure. I am working at a job I am divinely ordained to perform. My pleasure is only the satisfaction of the Just.

Subj: Blowing off steam
Date: 12/14/2000 1:32:45 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: (The Search For John Doe)
To: drivingmrspacey

From: Detective Somerset
Subject: Blowing off steam

In any major city, minding your own business is a perfected science. There’s a public crime prevention course offered at our precinct house once a month. The first thing they teach is that you should never cry “help.” Always scream “fire,” because people don’t want to get caught up in anything. But a fire… that’s an evening’s entertainment. They come running.

All we do is pick up the pieces. We take all the evidence, and all the pictures and samples. We write everything down and note what time things happened… We put it in a nice neat pile and file it away, on the slim chance it’s ever needed in a courtroom. It’s like collecting diamonds on a desert island. You keep them just in case you ever get rescued, but it’s a pretty big ocean out there.

I’m beginning to wonder if this is one of those cases we never get to close. and I can’t live with that idea.

All I want is to lock this man up behind real tangible iron bars and collect my gold watch and pension get the hell out of this city forever

I want to give my little house in the country a fresh layer of whitewash and air it out with all the windows open wide to the fresh air.

I am a burnt-out man.

Subj: Never quit
Date: 12/15/2000 5:50:55 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: (The Search For John Doe)
To: drivingmrspacey

To: Detective Mills, Detective Somerset
From: Tracy Mills
Subject: Never quit

i hate this city and what it does to people. I hate our indiffernece and cruelty but i have to believe we can make a difference in it. i try to teach 5th graders. you try to catch criminals. we try to do our little bit to make the whole thing suck a little bit less. if we quit there’s nothing. and you both know it or you wouldn’t be there, staring all this horror in the face.

ps david i love it that you thought the marquis de sade was pronounced sharday like the singer sade. that’s why I married the captain of the football team. cause I knew you’d be my big dumb hero. you wont let us down.

Subj: Let them all talk
Date: 12/16/2000 2:04:35 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: (The Search For John Doe)
To: drivingmrspacey

Se7en: The Search For John Doe

To: You
From: John Doe
Subject: Let them all talk

The whole world seems to be preoccupied with psychoanalyzing me. Some of their hypotheses me are laughably entertaining. One says say I am a homosexual, another that I hate myself, another that I am:

“an intelligent man and a deep scholar of religious text and classical literature. His masterful murders were shocking if not ingenious.”

Another has a rather more elaborate theory: *link no longer works

In one essay, entitled “HEDDA GABLER, PSYCHOANALYSIS AND THE SPACE OF (THE) PLAY” A Mr. David Hand writes “John Doe’s project is to preach a shattering sermon on the condition of the times: his view of their grim corruption links him, ironically, with one of the two detectives who are pursuing him…”

Rather insightful, but still wrong, Mr. Hand.

A certain Ashley Montague writes:

“You show me a murderer, and I’ll show you a person who’s been failed in the supreme need for love, who never learned how to love, and will hate, as I heard one saying, ‘I hate the whole world’s guts, and the whole world hates mine.’ These are the victims of society…as most of us are victims of our society.”

One day they will all understand the truth.

Subj: Lust
Date: 12/17/2000 2:10:59 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: (The Search For John Doe)
To: drivingmrspacey

To: You
From: John Doe
Subject: Lust

I saw you waiting to cross the street today. You seemed a little tired and listless.

Lust: Bodily appetite; especially excessive sexual desire. “Abstain from fleshy lusts, which war against the soul.” Peter 2:11

None of them sickened me as much as the disease spreading sex addict. Only in a world this depraved and fallen could you try to say these were innocent people and keep a straight face.

That’s the point. We see a deadly sin on almost every street corner, and in every home-literally. And we tolerate it. Because it’s common, it seems trivial, and we tolerate, all day long, morning, noon and night.

Not anymore. I’m setting the example, and it’s going to be puzzled over and studied and followed, forever.

Those who see may learn to do. Imagine an army of vengeful angels, multiplying across the earth.

Don’t ask me to pity the people I killed. I don’t mourn them anymore than I mourn the thousands who died in Sodom and Gomorrah.

I rather like my new name. “John Doe.” John, my second favorite apostle. Doe, a deer, a female deer. Emblem of my innocence. Bambi am I. Alone in a jungle. Moving unseen unnoticed among the ANIMALS. Teeth well hidden.

By the way, are you exercising? Eating properly. You must be careful these days. The wolf is at the door.

Subj: Monday Night Football
Date: 12/17/2000 4:45:23 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: (The Search For John Doe)
To: drivingmrspacey

To: You
From: John Doe
Subject: Monday Night Football

It doesn’t matter who I am. Who I am means absolutely nothing. I’m notspecial. I’m not exceptional.

This is, though.

What I’m doing. My work. You can’t see the whole…the whole complete Actyet. Not yet. But, when this is done, it’s going to be… so… so…

It’s going to be flawless. People will barely be able to comprehend it. Itwill seem almost surreal… but it will have a tangible reality, so theywon’t be able to deny it.

I can’t wait for you to see. I can’t wait. It’s really going to besomething.

Tomorrow night, December 18th, we can begin.

Watch “Monday Night Football” on television. Watch it very carefully,because I will have a message for you there.

Oh, don’t worry: you won’t miss it. You won’t miss a thing.
Se7en as you’ve never seen it

Subj: It’s working
Date: 12/18/2000 2:56:42 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: (The Search For John Doe)
To: drivingmrspacey

To: You
From: John Doe
Subject: It’s working

A newspaper writer says: “John Doe has patiently planned some of these crimes for more than a year. He has targeted his victims with painstaking precision, calculating every minute detail. Body by body, he is cleansing the filth from what he believes is a morally bankrupt society.”

And yet Detective Mills tries to tell me MY MESSAGE ISN’T GETTING THROUGH.

Wanting people to pay attention, you can’t just tap them on the shoulder. You have to hit them in the head with a sledgehammer. Then, you have their strict attention.

It’s working.

Today I feel the same perfect calm I felt when I first realized what I was going to do; the same feeling which suffuses me after I complete each part of the Act.

On the subway today, a man came to me to start a conversation. He made small talk, just a lonely man, talking about the weather and other things. I tried to be pleasant and accommodating, but my head began to hurt from his banality. I almost didn’t notice it had happened, but I suddenly threw up all over him. He was not pleased, and I couldn’t help laughing.

I have never been more sure of my purpose.

 Subj: Pride
Date: 12/19/2000 11:56:02 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: (The Search For John Doe)
To: drivingmrspacey

To: You
From: John Doe
Subject: Pride


Pride: “An overhigh opinion of oneself. Disgrace goes before destruction, and pride before misfortune.” Proverbs 16.18

Psalms 101:5 (NIV) “… Whoever has a proud heart, him will I not endure.”

Proverbs 16:5 (NIV) “The LORD detests all the proud of heart. Be sure of this: They will not go unpunished.”

Proverbs 16:18 (NIV) “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.”

I glued sleeping pills in one hand.
I glued the telephone to the other.
I disfigured her.
She could have called for help.
Her vanity would not allow it.
She has reaped what she has sown.

So be it.

 Subj: Solitary
Date: 12/20/2000 7:40:07 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: (The Search For John Doe)
To: drivingmrspacey

To: You
From: John Doe
Subject: Solitary

I once spent 180 days in punitive long-term solitary confinement. It was there that I met Him face to face.

Have you ever been in solitary? It is a unique experience, one every man should have. Because there you learn what hell is, and slowly learn the meaning of true justice.

Claustrophobia comes first, like drowning in air. Then the cramps, vomiting, retching. Then the guards come in and the truncheons begin to pound–like nails in the cross.

They cuff your ankles and your hands and suspend you between two steel bedframes-and then beat you again. You are left naked and bleeding on your knees.

Then they leave you– in perfect darkness. Not dim, NO glimmer of light, no reflection, no shades of light. Insects move in the darkness, hundreds of them, competing for your food, covering you when you sleep. The food itself is called a starvation diet, the minimum required to stop your digestive system from shutting down completely. Your organs, in the dark, are highlighted, each with their particular kind of pain. A hole in the floor is caked in the feces of your predecessors.

State law assigned me a Bible.

I opened the Book and the Book opened me and I felt its electricity ripple through me and knew that I would never be alone in the dark again.

In the dark I could close my eyes and see Him, ringed in light.

We began to talk.

And in this state, immersed in the pain that only true apostles know, I received my vision of the punishment of sin. At the end of the sentence, barely alive, I said to the warden, “thank you. You have made me a man.” I was sincere in my gratitude, and I will never forget the look on his face. It was fear.

 Subj: Be ready for anything
Date: 12/22/2000 1:36:11 AM Eastern Standard Time
From: (The Search For John Doe)
To: drivingmrspacey

To: Profiler
From: William Somerset
Subject: Be ready for anything

I fear John Doe will commit another attack shortly. I don’t pretend any special foresight but he’s made himself pretty clear.

He’s done five of his “Acts” thus far: gluttony, greed, sloth, lust and pride. His email sermon to us has now reviewed those five sins, and the crimes he attached to them.

Two sins are left, and I feel certain he will soon feel impelled to put action behind his words. His next victims will be people he sees as guilty of Wrath and Envy.

My God…Think about your closest friends-how many of them might be considered “guilty” of those sins?

How do you protect half the world from a man who considers being human a capital crime?

I, for one, am violently angry at this man, and I envy those with the faith to pray for him to stop.

Best regards,

William Somerset

Subj: Coming Attractions
Date: 12/22/2000 3:00:47 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: (The Search For John Doe)
To: drivingmrspacey

To: Profiler
From: John Doe
Subject: Coming Attractions

Envy: Discontent and ill will over another’s advantages, possessions, etc.”Wrath is cruel and anger is outrageous; but who can stand before envy?” Proverbs 27:4

I must admit what God knows: that sometimes I am forced to chastise myself severely for the sin of envy. My road is a lonely solitary one. How often have I walked down quiet streets at night and seen the families and the couples together in the lamplight of their evening meal. How I look at normal men with their briefcases and earnest eyes, hurrying home to those meals. How I look at you in your safe happy life-ignorant of even your own venal sins-and long to take your happiness as my own, or at least to smash your happiness and make us equals.

Envy is MY test, the special challenge I am set with. Tonight I will neither eat nor use the bathroom nor sleep in chastisement. My small lash at the ready.

Subj: The End and the Beginning
Date: 12/27/2000 12:50:43 AM Eastern Standard Time
From: (The Search For John Doe)
To: drivingmrspacey

To: You
From: John Doe
Subject: The End and the Beginning

I’ve enjoyed corresponding with you so much. But it’s time for me to return to work–to the work which allows me no rest or companionship. I’ll see you on the other side.

I did not choose. I was chosen. If it seems as though I attack my work with vigor, so be it. Nothing wrong with a man taking pleasure in his work.

By the way, when I said I admired you… I meant what I said. I do admire you. I want you to know, I wish I could have lived like you do. I wish I could have been a normal person like you. I wish I could have a simple life.

Are you listening to me? I’m trying to tell you how much I admire you…and your charming companion.

It’s surprising how easily an amateur hacker can get intimate details about a person who interests him.

Perhaps we’ll see each other soon, and have an opportunity to continue our dialogue in the flesh. I wish I could say more but I don’t want to ruin the surprise.

Until then, I remain,

Yours truly,

John Doe