KevieBear’s Journey To The Moon – Part Two

April 27, 2007

A nice lady from the sheriff’s office tells me that I am not in New York City. Somehow I have ended up at this lady’s home in Pennsylvania. Without any luggage! I wondered why she had wild animals in her house but she also tells me that they aren’t wild animals, they’re her pets. Sure they are. If that’s what she wants to tell herself, I won’t argue. She seems a little spacey to me.

Ironically, she’s supposed to be heading to New York herself next week. To meet up with “friends” or so she calls them. She’s offered to take me with her but she says I’ll have to pay my own way but as happens so often, I seem to have left my wallet in my other sweater. Now what do I do?

I know! I’ll use my devilish charm on her and maybe she’ll offer to pay my way!

The nice lady offers to pay KevieBear’s way to New York, but only if he repays her by working off the debt.

What did you say? You want me to… I don’t understand. Work? What’s that? What do you mean follow you? Follow you where?

Five minutes later an exhausted KevieBear falls into a chair after changing the shavings in the guinea pig box.

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Oh my gosh! I can’t catch my breath. I’m totally winded. I’m tired and my toes hurt. I have a cramp in my leg and I think I see some dust on my shirt. That work was a killer, but now I can go to… what? What do you mean get back to work? My fingers are practically bleeding from toiling in the… What’s so funny? 

KevieBear gets back to work doing the laundry, cleaning the other guinea pig cages, feeding the big cats.

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Suffering from delirium caused by working for almost an hour, KevieBear decides the best course of action is to hibernate for a week.

May 4, 2007 –

What a beautiful morning! Listen to the birds singing! Smell the flowers! Look at the fluffy clouds!

What do you mean get back to work?

May 5, 2007 –

Geez. This woman is a slave driver. A tyrant. Do this, do that, clean this, clean that, hop to it. Now she says I have to dust. I told her I had sensitive skin, bad allergies and a dust bunny phobia, but she didn’t seem to care. She keeps saying she doesn’t have time do to these things herself because she has to pack for her trip. When she’s not giving me grief she’s on the phone talking about plans, dates, reservations, Sharpies, trash dumpsters, sidewalks and bald spots. Weird. 

Guess I’d better start dusting before she tells me to rotate the tires on her car. 

What’s this?! Bears! Hello! Hello? No one is answering me. I’d better get a little bit closer. Maybe they can’t hear me. EEEEK! THEY’RE ALL STUFFED!! Run! Hide! What shall I do now? I hear her coming! 

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Uh.. yes.. I’m dusting.. see?! Yes, ma’am. I’m dusting the whole shelf. All the way to the top? The top? You do know I have a fear of heights, right? Oh, no! I’m not refusing! I’m climbing, I’m climbing!

Later…

I’d better act like I don’t know a thing. Maybe I can work my way across the room. I thought I saw a computer on the desk when she let me out of the box. If it has Internet connection, maybe I can email my editor for help. I don’t want to end up a stuffed bear!

Oh good. She does have a connection and the computer is already turned on! Cute mouse pad she has here. Some bald guy in a wool coat. Looks familiar. I’ll do a criminal background check on him when I get back to the paper. He’s obviously one of America’s most wanted. Ok now. Type in my user name and my password. Password, password. What was that password?? Let me think… hotbearse7en, no, cuterthankevin5, no… that’s it! I’d better type fast… hisbaldspotsbigger… 

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Now to email my editor. I’ll use all caps so she’ll know I’m serious. HELP! HELP! (KevieBear hears footsteps.) No, no, I’m not loafing around, I’m uh, dusting the keyboard and uh, accidentally hit one of the keys and uh, uh… yes ma’am. I’ll get back to work. Phew! That was close. I’d better cruise the web while I wait for my editor to reply, just in case she comes back and sees something on the screen. I’ll do a Google search for.. for.. I know! Hot Stuffed Bears! Oh, look what came up. Boyds Bear Country Store. That’s where I buy my disguises. Some of my friends live there too. Sniffle, sniffle. I miss Driving Mr. Spacey! bear and Lex Luthor Slurpee cup. Sniff. I miss my sweater collection too. Sniff. I’m going to end up a stuffed bear on the top shelf and will never have experienced my one dream in life. To meet my idol. Kevin Spacey. The trip to the Old Vic was so close. But now… I think I’m going to cry because… what’s this? A Kevin Spacey coaster? Why would the Crazed Bear Stuffer have a Kevin Spacey coaster? 

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Wait a minute. Something is a little off here. Think K-Bear. Think. You’re a seasoned detective/reporter/actor. Put together all the clues.

  1. Trip to New York City
  2. Sharpies
  3. Reservations
  4. Sidewalks
  5. Trash Dumpster
  6. Bald spot!
  7. Mouse Pad w/Bald Guy in Wool Coat
  8. Demanding and bossy woman in contact with others of her kind!

Could it be? Is it possible that she could be one of those most wonderful of God’s creatures. A SPACEY FAN??? A SPACEY FAN ON HER WAY TO NEW YORK CITY BECAUSE… BECAUSE… OOOOH MY HEAD IS SPINNING.

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Next: Part Three – KevieBear Goes To New York