Poll #13: Kevin and a Halifax hotel

Kevin is in Nova Scotia filming The Shipping News. The employees at the hotel have been instructed not to bother him, but you’re not a hotel employee. How do you meet Kevin?   

Say you’re the dog walker he hired. 115
Say you’re there to fix his fax machine. 23
Say you had the room before him and you forgot your shoes. 81
Say you’re the hotel detective and one of their towels is missing. 30
Say you’re looking for your mother and the light is better in Kevin’s room. 43
Mail yourself to him in a crate marked fra-gee-lay. 58
Tell him he needs to be searched for illegal Rogaine contraband 31
Say you’re there to check the vodka in the toilet. 47

Something else? (Keep it clean, please!):

Tell him my name is Mindy & I like to be “fetched”.


I am there to tidy his balls. FOR THE POOL TABLE!

Every one needs the grout work on their bathroom tiles checking. Tough job but someones gotta do it!

I want to see the northern lights. his room has the best view, go figure.

Someone called for a specialist boxer short ironer. whadya know, here I am!!

Call up to his room and say “Hi sweetie, it’s mom. Can I come up?”

I’ll pretend I’m Jack Lemmon and tell the rotten kid I’m too old to be hanging around the f***in lobby!

I’d accidentaly fall in front of his Zappy so he’d have to stop and pick me up.

I was looking for the swimming pool….(huh? what? pool? table? oh)

Sneak in on the food cart hidden by the linen cover.

Tell him I’m the masseuse he ordered.

Tell him I’m there to clean all the hair out of his shower drain. When he opens the door, say I tell him ‘I see dead people’ & then get on his bed and hide under the covers.

“I’m the industrical lubricants saleswoman in the Hospitality Suite next-door, and want to thank you for TBK’s honest portrayal of opressed-lubricants-salespeople everywhere”  :o)

im a carpet resistance tester. outta the way actor boy!

Say you’re the thermal sock darner — it gets very cold in Nova Scotia and one can never be too careful.

I’ll come as a LADY VIKING norsewoman wrapped in purple crinkle paper as a BIRTHDAY present to you on MARCH 25TH.

drugs squad!!! we’ve heard about your ‘memories’ spacey! Give up that ganja RIGHT NOW MISTER!

I would never try to trick my way into his hotel room. I’d wait and hide myself in his luggage when he goes to Hollywood for the Oscars. I am a trained rose pettle scatterer!!

lemme through! I grease him with a can of dog-food and a beef and cheese pot-pie on the stick.  I introduce myself as the care-taker’s wife and tell him I’m here to oil his door……or other parts of his ‘basic equipment’….. someone’s got to trim the chest rug….and that someone is MEEEEEEEE!

Say i am here to give you order…it is pizza

I am searching for Dixie, my lost Jack Russell terrier!

I’d knock on his door and say, “Excuse me, I seem to have lost my ball….can I play with yours?”  ***devlish smile***:

I would slam a door near his room and run out in the hall screaming and fall right by his door step crying until he comes out to help me!!! :)))

I’d say I’m here to deliver his new issue of, “Why bald men are better in bed than men with hair”

I’m his personal masseuse and he desperately needs a GOOD massage Uh-oh – you said keep it clean….

I’m his complimentary bedwarmer

Wait for him in the hotel bar/resturant get his attention and then ask him to dance.

i’m hes sister

He won a free full body massage after a hard days work on the set!

I love you!!!!!!!

I know his agent!

I say I’m the BEST ping-pong player in town and challenge him to a tournament, best outta 5, come on baby, brrrring it on!

tell the truth, i just want to meet him

Pretend your dying and gasp that the only thing that can save you true love’s first kiss.  Then after you and Kevin have a little smooch, ask for an autograph!

I’d wait outside. Man, I shoulda booked a vaca to Nova Scotia!!!!

get my 24 of keith’s,give em out to the staff cause no nova scotian can turn down a keith’s.best beer in the wolrd.march up there tell him its time to go to the Palace but before hand we gotta stop to toke up of coarse.then we get shit faced have a f***in ball then turn in for the night. not that there be much sleepin goin on.then we wake up toke a few more times and im on my way,cause he is a busy man and all.it would be a quick visit tho.he wasn’t in halifax long.most of the time he was in nfld partyin with the newfies.∼

would greet him hello,if hes irratated by his own fans then i know what kind of person he really is.

Sit in the lounge in hopes of seeing him; admiring him from afar as always…NEVER bother him I have a special delivery of Red Vines!

i would ask him how to contact the director of UNCLE FRANK,,,something that has something to do with him ,,but now with him,,it would totally work!,,hey i could see him again i Berlin i have come to check that he has soap in the shower

Hi Kevin, I’ve been dreaming about you half of my lifetime!

tell him id love to do a romantic reading with him

disguise yourself as Dame Judi

Tell him the truth-I’m sure he’ll understand!!

Say you’re Room Service with a complimentary seal flipper pie! I’m from the FBI & I was sent to not take my eyes off  of him

I would say I just want to meet the coolest actor alive.

tell him that the room is haunted and that I’m a professional handholder

ask “Did someone order a personal slave?”

“Mistake his room for someone else’s.

I’m delivering his seal-flipper sandwich

Go up to his and knock. when he opens I yell, “You’re not John Travolta!!! No clue.

Dress in a maid’s uniform and knock on the door bright and early for “housekeeping”…catching him in his boxers 😉

When he opens the door stare at him for a moment then say, “Lindsay was right. George Clooney is better looking then you!”

Say Im in love with him!! Arrive naked and say I was a gift from the rest of the cast !

ask if he needed a nitecap.

Tell him I’m there with a new way to comb over his combover.

I’ll call up to his room and say the hotel lost my reservation and they’re putting me in his room until they find me something better.

Someone order dish of the day???

Kevin has a tired rug. I am here to revive it!

“I’m representing Mr. Sy Sperling, and am here to give you a free consultation in Rugology”.  :o)

I’ll tell him that a gremlin escaped and I heard it was in his room. “Don’t feed it after midnight, Mr. Spacey!!”

Dress up in a doggie costume and scratch on his door. He’s a sucker for cute, lost puppies. *wink*

Tell him, “I’m the ‘News Shipper’ & I heard you were in dire need of  the shipping news.”

Scream, “Ohhhhhhh, it’s Kevin Kline!! I loved you in ‘Dances With Wolves’!!! “Maybe he would feel sorry for me and let me in. *giggle*

Stand outside his door and say loud enough for the other guests to hear: “Kevin, are you going to make your poor old mother stand out here holding all these suitcases much longer? Wasn’t 47 hours in labor giving birth to you enough?

When that doesn’t work, stand outside his door saying loud enough for the other guests to hear: “Kevin, I’m with the Enquirer. Is there any truth to the rumor you’re making your mother work at the hotel as a bellhop because you won’t pay for her tap dancing lessons?”

I have been hired as his “Keeper of the Tux”. Too late for the Oscars, but he’ll need me in the future.

Mr. Spacey I have your missing MTV award!

I’M JUDI DENCH! need to get the tux…

I’m here to boil his water and puff his puffer!

ANIMAL WELFARE OFFICERS! We have been told there is a puffin in this room!………….oh. a puffER. okay. we need to check.

I would tell him that I’m there to thoroughly check and re-check for paranormal activities in his room.

Mr. Spacey, I’m here with the extra  Easter egg dye for your hair.

open the door and cry out: My keyboard seems to be frozen. Guess everyone will have to use their imagination.

Tell him I’ve been abandoned by my owners and need a new home.  I’m house trained but need to be exercised daily!

Tell Kevin there’s a fire in the hall and he’s the only one who can put it out. When he runs out and asks where’s the fire, tell I’ll him he’s looking at it.

Ask him to “remember when you hung out trying to meet a favorite celebrity…”

You yell through the door, “Hey Spaceman! You forgot to bring your dishes down to the kitchen! What do I look like? The maid?”

Say that you need to Pay it Forward.

I want to check if he looks good naked!

Dress up as Al Pacino and when they turn me away, say “I’m out of order! No excuse me, YOU’RE OUT OF ORDER!!”

HI can you introduce me to Jason?

he stole my heart, i’m here to get it back

Tell them you’re the masseuse he ordered! Hubba, Hubba!

I sit at the door with coffee and a package of sweet n low, in a tube dress and stiletto heels.  Duh.

show up with tequilla and 20 dollar bills telling them your here for lap dances and that Kevin is waiting for you.

Say you’re there to comb his latest hair piece.

I’m from Publisher’s Clearing House and he’s won the 10 million dollars.

tell him “I am here to do business.  There is business in the air.”

Say I’m a BIG fan and wondered if he would sign my forehead (in a sharpy!)

yell through the door for him to stop hitting those blasted ping pong balls up against the wall because you’re trying to sleep, then when he opens the door to apologize, accidentally fall through the door.

say you’re keyser soze

I’ve arrived to rub the warmth back into his frostbitten tootsies.

Excuse me, Mr. Spacey- your beam of light departed 10 minutes ago.  I guess you’ll have to use my car.

want to meet him

I’d take the bungee cords out of my car, use them to climb the side of the hotel, stand on his window ledge, knock on the window and tell Kevin that I’m there to wash the windows and he needs to open his so I can do both sides.

japanese translator, translating his…samurai kit manual??

Seal Flipper Pie delivery!! That will be $9.50, please.

wait for him to leave the building Say I am the young lady medic sent by the producers to give him his on-site insurance physical.  (I am in actuality a nurse so this would be purely a professional visit…)

Wrap myself in a giant package of Equal (SWS.. lol) and lay outside his door until he find me 🙂

Tell him that I’m his “Newfie”Translater for when he goes to da Rock!


Just walk in and say :”Just what do you think you’re doing in my room? He’ll answer: “Your room? This is my room.” I’ll respond: “It is??? (look around critically for a while) So it is. Sorry my bad. Bye” Then leave.

“room service!”

I’m just a big fan who can’t tell a lie and admits that I’m there to meet him and maybe get an autograph!

Say you are looking for Keyser Soze.

be honest, the Spaceman understands, and will be flattered.

I’m here for the Kevette audition.

Bring a peace offering of nice cuban cigars.

I ask him to see if my escaped budgerigar is on his balcony.

I would just go up to him, when he’s not busy, explain who I am and ask if we could just chat for a little bit.

I say he is a great actor.

say you’re there to deliver a slice of seal flipper pie You are his professional page Housekeeping!!

I would respect the man’s privacy. meet in the cafe

Tell him he’s the man I’ve always wanted and now I have him. I Rule! When he opens the door give him a hug and say, “Don’t worry, Kevin. Even though this movie will stink, you’ll always be my favorite actor.” After he slams the door in my face, I’ll say, “I got Jack Lemmon and Kethrine Hepburn  movies!”  He’ll get so excited and yell, “Oh, boy!” Then he’ll let me in.


I’m his sister, Julie.  (Okay, at least my name is really Julie!)  🙂