Poll #28: Kevin Spacey’s Elevator

You’re on an elevator. A man gets on and pushes the button to send it back down. It gets stuck between floors. It’s going to take a while to fix the elevator. You’re stuck in the thing with a man who’s been snapping his chewing gum in your ear since the top floor. You turn around to tell him to stop when you realize it’s none other than the spaciest man around. You realize this is your big chance to talk to Kevin without any interruptions. He realizes you’ve recognized him. Just as he starts to scream for help, you blurt out the question (or comment) you’ve wanted to utter for years…

Don’t take this the wrong way but you look just like Kevin Spacey.

Can you get me Jeff Bridge’s autograph?

Why did you agree to do Pay It Forward?

Does this elevator make me look fat?

Well hello, Mr. Spacey, ol’ chap!! I’ve been meaning to ask you this for a long time. Can you say the word… “Pneumonitramicroscopicilicovolanoconiosis” ….in one go??? Thanks very much. I adore your work. xx

TAKE ME TO K-PAX!

Voulez vous coucher avec moi, ce soir?

“Kevin I’m your biggest fan and I love you and I know you think I’m a silly little girl but I really do and I just love you so much” (and then I would faint then and there)

“Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”

wanna ride my zippy?

Can I have your gum?

“My dad really wanted to see  ‘The Shipping News’.  But it was only playing in artsy theaters downtown, and he won’t drive that far.  Therefore, give me enough money to buy him a limo complete with driver.  You owe us.”

Who’s Bobby Darin?

Do you ever wish you had stayed in the theatre and not gone into movies?

I don’t think you can get out of an elevator by climbing through the roof. That’s just in the movies.

How about it, big boy!

Kevin can I give you a hug?

Have you ever thought of doing your own TV show? That’s where all the real money is.

How much did you pay for those dimples?

I hope you’re using the brand of sugarless gum 9 out of 10 dentists recommend to patients who chew gum.

Relax.  I happen to have my harmonica with me.  What would you like,  “Mary had a Little Lamb”  or  “Popeye the Sailor Man?”

Does it bother you when writers say you’re plain and homely or do you just assume they’re jealous of your charisma and charm?

Which movie role would you like the chance to do over?

I promise not to jump on your bones, but I would very much like to look into your eyes and tell you what a good actor you are.  But, PLEASE don’t do anything where you need to have any British accent – English, Scots, Welsh or Irish.  You just haven’t perfected it yet and it sounds as false to us as a Brit trying to put on an American accent.  I would love to see you on the stage again, but SOON please – I’m getting old!  But please leave Shakespeare to us.  I could, of course, arrange to give you English lessons for a small fee, like a signed photo and more eye-gazing.  And please could you play some charismatic characters in your next movies and make your fans’ day.  Oh, dammit, someone’s fixed the lift!

Do you want to sit down and relax?

How often do you vote on the DMS hair poll?

Hop on baby!

“Boxers, or briefs?”

Oh my gosh! I can’t believe I’m stuck in an elevator with the guy who was in a movie with Russell Crowe!

“So…come here often?  No?  Would you like to?”

I don’t care what anyone else says. I liked Pay It Forward.

Never get out of the movie industry. A talent like yours will never go to waste.

Hey, do you happen to have a copy of Ordinary Decent Criminal on you? I still haven’t seen it. If not, we have some time, you can act it out.

Why, oh why, did you make that sappy Pay It Forward?

Oh hey! It’s you! You know what? Funny story. You almost ran over me on your Zappy one time. Ha ha! Yeah. That was a good day.

Would you please sing “Blackbird” for me?

Do you realise that your movies have changed the lives of millions of people around the world? That you drive people, like me, to love the movies, and love acting, and recognise that for all the glitz and glamour, what a noble calling it can be?

Kevin I just wanted you to know that because you said in so many interviews that if you are lucky enough to reach the top floor send the elevator back down.  I decided that I am pretty lucky to have learned how to handle my depression and now I am going to college and I will be getting a degree in Human Services.  So I can help other people learn to handle their depression.  So I guess am sending the elevator back down with my education.

Oh no!  MacManus is up there with a gun!  He thinks we’re Kobayashi’s bodyguards!  We’re doomed!

Marry Me!!!!

boxer or breifs?

how does it feel to know that people of all generations of either sex will go and see a movie just because you’re name is top billing – even if the movie itself has had bad reviews?

and if I may ask just one more question – how do you feel about the fact that there are many drop dead gorgeous male stars around at the moment and yet at least 9 out of ten people  ( and that’s male or female) rate you as top of their list.  Why do you think that is?  I’m thinking style, class and a great ability as an actor – do you think that’s true?

What cologne do you wear?  Who (if anyone) are you dating?

I’d ask him how his Puppies are doing first, and if we were still stuck after that, I’d ask him if he’s a vegetarian.

Is it hot in here, or is it you?

Exactly how big are your feet?

Kevin, do you know how sick we are of that elevator metaphor? Stop saying the same old thing in every interview/show, please!

giggle, giggle, blush, giggle

Why don’t you go back to being bad?

If we get out this alive, how about we go for a coffee?

Would you consider reading my script for the main role? I happen to have it right here with me.

Hey, Kevin, why don`t you play a villain again? You`re so great at it. When they finally film the new “Superman” flick, you should try to be cast as Lex Luthor. You would be perfect in this role!

Who’s David Gale?

Have you been dreaming about me like I’ve been dreaming about you? I know you have, you’ve been waiting all your life for me, haven’t you?

I’m single if you are!

Looks like we could be here a while. I have a deck of cards, how about some strip poker?

Explain Pay It Forward to me. Do you still think it was a good movie ruined by the press?

“Wanna just get it overwith and have sex in this elevator right now?”

It’s okay-I was a Girl Scout.  We always come prepared…”

Do you ever plan to top acting to work as a producer and director?

How scary are your fans?

Kevin, do you ever get tired of everything in your life and wish you could trade your life for someone else’s? Who’s life would you like to have?

G*****n elevators!!  I’m late for a meeting too!

May I touch your parentheses?

What a thrill to meet you! Kevin, you’ve been my inspiration to learn so many new things. Not because of anything you’ve said or done, but because you’re the reason I’ve become more adept at using a computer, scanner, printer, cd burner, digital camera, online auctions, search engines. Before I heard of you, I didn’t know anything. But now I’ve learned it all. Because of YOU. You have dragged me into the 20th AND 21st centuries. I thank you. Microsoft, Google, Yahoo, Hewlitt-Packard, ebay, Amazon, Fugi and Lexmark thank you.

What would you give me for a basket of kisses?

Coke or Pepsi?

Ever done it in an elevator, actor boy?

Are you planning to win Oscars for directing and producing?

I admire you and because of you I have decided to become an actress.

WILL YOU MARRY ME?

I admire you and your so sexy

Ever want to go back to “charactor” acting, you know, as opposed to your recent “leading man” type roles?

I would ask Kevin when are we going to see him in a romantic lead?

Are you happy?

Does Keyser Soze wanna come out and play?